4everandnever

by london standards the weather was perfect it was like what perry said last year about how london has awful weather and it's always gray but one day you get blue skies and it's just wonderful.

at 5am it started snowing again so first snow round 2 here we go. it's only nice to look at but tmr it's going to be a bitch for driving sigh. taking stock this term i have 3 days of school maximum 6 hours a week 2 modules but somehow stuff just begets more stuff and i've spent nearly the whole month just dealing with "life" things administrative things people don't even need to think about. living in the system is such a hassle but i don't feel like life has much else to offer. hoping for inspiration every day.

anyway i kind of wish our house would get into order quickly which is so impossible with the set props and xiu's architectural crap all over the land so that we can start having friends over and i can take some decent pictures of the place but well here is something for the folks back in our other home 3094820948 miles away



miss you guys, mail me stuff thx

there is a very fine line between too much and too little time..... trying to sort things out as passively as possible because there are too many things i have to keep at the top of my mind. all this time abroad and the winter cold is taking a toll on me

london feels worse these days but home isn't the same anymore

today i was a sad nemo and i got a lot of things done. damn it's difficult to get shit done when you're having fun all the time so obviously i just need to be a bit more miserable more often. quiet weekends are nice and so is cooking nice dinners for friends and love of my life princess xiu

think happy thoughts



that's what i'm talking about when i say blue sky high

( a selection of PHOTOS FROM SPAIN - canon baby )

my dad gave me a point and shoot canon for my birthday/xmas so i've been snapping loads of pix all over london and tons in spain and i will upload these once i get some satisfactory download speeds and real broadband internet!!!!!1

2010
nice and easy days
keep visual diary
write postcards
read books
be on time for class
do readings and assignments

i want to spend my life
with a girl like you
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
and do all the things
you want me to
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

how overdue am i on this post but 2009 was so... much that it seems necessary to acknowledge its ending. last year i made a lot of new and different friends doing new and different things. family and my parents became more important as i spent less time at home. spent a lot of time at sea over and under water and by beaches. took a few planes and ferries out of Singapore and had happy times everywhere i went. less happily there was a lot of bad news and hospitals at the start of the year. made mistakes with people and non-people. losing at self-understanding was(is) a recurring theme. from the beginning of the year to september it seemed like a really intense blur of jobs, friends, parties, boys, girls, bad news, hospitals, home, family before i finally found out for real that i was going to UCL for the next 3 years and then i spent one or two months in some sort of awkward preparation for what was ultimately not possible to prepare for - arranging some sort of life out in a new city for myself and xiu.

until the very moment the plane landed everything up to there absolutely didn't matter anymore and so with the help of kai and a few friends we managed to sort out a home and start life proper in London. after a very traumatizing period going through what i knew at the exact moment was exactly the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life, and suffering its consequences. i realised that not only does everything bad before that look really stupid now there is probably a well above average amount of love and friendship in my life. happiness and unhappiness both exist and the relative amounts of either do not have any effect on how you feel when you're stuck in one phase or another so despite my negativity i was fine after a while and had many cheery times with new and old friends in London and also in Iceland!!! and other parts of the UK. also my parents each came up to spend about a week with us and those few days were probably some of the best times we've had together since i lost all my childhood innocence and cuteness ha ha ha. throughout november and december frustration and paranoia and worry ruled my mind mostly but having 6 modules in one term took my mind off most things anyway. thankfully i have emerged alive and.... xmas break has been good. also we have moved into a new home which is not cheaper but i can breathe a bit easier here. on the 31st we were on our way to Spain

at the last moment of 2009 we were standing on a rocky beach five minutes away from our house in Denia and then the clock jumped the hour and it was a new moment and a new year

not so wild about 2010 we're still getting to know each other
but so far it has been good to me
it was really pleasant living in a beautiful and spacious and bright and clean and well designed home by the beach in a little town wearing flip flops all day long ~ it was a nice reminder of but not really that much like Singapore the home which i miss the most when i'm anywhere. not sure how the rest of the year is going to pan out but i really hope that i find peace at some point because despite all the happiness in my life i cannot get my mind to settle down and every night all the worries in the world eat away at my soul

that said my friends make life a million times better and if anything i always have xiu to look at and feel happy about

right now i have 2 nights to finish an essay on How is freedom of action possible? and... political philosophy. next week school starts i only have 3 days of school a week and then my personal bodyguard codename nara goes back to singapore sobs

0123hrs xiu is sleeping on aran's sofabed and aran is sleeping on our double bed and i am not sleeping yet WHAT we're like some really dysfunctional family. speaking of family i am 1000% thankful for jon and xiu being here in london because unconditional love is probably the best thing to rely on in these confusing times

the year is over and a lot lot lot of nothing has happened but time goes on and supposedly i'm closer to finding out what it is that i really want/need/think but................. tbc

aran's train from paris got snowed in on sunday, and today his flight got cancelled. every moment without him here is just really painful and awful!!!!!!!!!! but obviously a million times worse for him sigh fuck this weather we're not even getting Real Snow just a lot of slush sigh sigh sigh sigh sssssiiiiiiggggghhhhh

still we have happy times with bo jio kids





the other day zix and i went down to elephant and castle to see seizure and it was so magical and beautiful i hope the rest of the xmas break can feel nice like carnival rides at leicester square and art and museums and watching the snow fall outside our window and fairy lights

MODEST MOUSE WAS GOOD

4 MORE HOURS OF SCHOOL TO GET THROUGH

ALICANTE, SPAIN 31ST DEC - 7 JAN

staying up to do an assignment i really, really, really don't know how to do and study for a test that i fear i might not pass logic is really the most sink or swim subject can't smoke my way through it at all. while all the girls are counting down to home i just cannot wait for END OF TERM and no more assignments and problem sets and essays and lectures and tutorials and waking up early and shitty italian accents!!!!!!!!!!!!

SURVIVE TMR, WIN FOREVER
> 24 HOURS TO MODEST MOUSE
> 48 HOURS TO JULIAN CASABLANCAS
>> 144 HOURS TO ARAN!!!!!
> 144 HOURS TO THE HORRORS

2 more weeks to the end of term but i still can't believe i'm in university lol



okay friends some of you know that our warren st plans got fucked over this weekend but i have some good news for you today!! xiu and i lucked out on a flat at goodge street that looks like a keeper... landlady's got the same family name as us which is a big plus point and she was telling us she was gonna buy over a korean restaurant so that she could sell "spicy food". cool. anyway yeah cross your fingers!!! we'll have a nice housewarming in due time wuhu

also i look so stupidly rosy these days
my classmates say i look like a doll
dolls are stupid
what am i going to do about this???

i was eating grapes and doing my world economy homework and i turned 19. what a year.................................................................... and now it's over. i have never been so unhappy and so happy as i was when i was 18 and i have no idea whether i ever will be BUT onwards to better days i really don't know why i'm alive anymore but it's way too late to give up now

good weekend: friday night cooked beef stew for zixxy and the Schafer House Boys ha ha ha and then we all went to see Anish Kapoor at the Royal Academy which i thought was wonderful and very very good but that is quite obvious. it just made me feel really thankful to be studying in London with easy access to all these impressive museums and exhibitions. had a scone with clotted cream and jam at 10pm and then we all went............ and then i slept over at zix's place and the next morning we went to the east end thrift store for a jumble sale where i spent an inordinate amount of money but good vintage clothing is worth it!!! followed by lunch at 4pm hahahhaha then we went to kai's place and cooked dinner before going to Matter to see VITALIC which was a fun set really i think he performed very well and the backing LEDs were insane. after the set stayed long enough to hear warp 1.9 woop woop and then headed back. slept at 6am. woke up at 12. anyway we just got back home and i have been wearing these contact lenses since friday evening AGAIN what the fuck

aiya cut to the pictures









can't do without friends hahahhahahha




it wasn't a good week though. missed a lot of classes and slept at all the wrong times. but i managed to deal with the whole flat business at least. sometimes i think that the alternative would be that i'd be able to work with 100% of my brain but even then i know it's stupid to imagine that i'd ever be anything but the way i am right now. at least i can still scrape As for my assignments, so things can't be that bad.

.... i'm in xiu's studio now trying to look inconspicious

i missed some of my lessons today and yesterday but okay lectures are not the most important things on earth. got back an essay today - i wrote 2 sides, my TA's comments were 2+ sides long. one out of the 16 points were 9. This is not right. oops. being good at philosophy requires clarity of mind, something i obviously am deficient of. why am i doing philo & econ again?????

papa went home :( krzy weekend i am like... why is my account balance like this now wtf but yeah it's nice meeting singaporeans esp when they have frkn turntables in their flat. so jealous

resolutions
meditate every day
eat more fruits
eat less biscuits
drink more water
buy records
take more photographs
stop accidentally wearing holey tights!!!!
hang up my clothing properly when i come home
don't go out alone at night

everybody is starting to look forward to going home for xmas but xiu and i will be doing smth really really alternative and cool and adventurous!!! we are going to.... MOVE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!! yeah man we're gonna be carrying cartons and our suitcases down hampstead road in the wind and cold yay thankfully we'll have aran to help us :>

of course this is all contingent on the fact that we DO get the flat which we will settle this week. it's such a fucking drag dealing with all of this but hopefully this is the last time i have to do it all by myself ha ha ha ha ha ha ha wait until next year

I LIVED THROUGH 2 ESSAYS IN ONE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!! MORE SURVIVOR THAN YOU SO I CAN COPE

i'm really happy with myself now :>

it's been a nice week really aside from the huge amount of 'trying to write essay' time but yeah went to nottingham and saw jon and have dad in da house now yay and like managed to shop.. a.. bit. BUT I DID MY LAUNDRY. also today had malaysian curry rice for lunch with dad and the girls and after that went into total food coma at home then WROTE ONE ENTIRE ESSAY and like kinda fleshed up my political philo essay somemore and I AM DONE. back to school tmr I WILL BE ON TIME AND I WILL COMB MY HAIR AND I WILL NOT FALL ASLEEP IN CLASS!!!!

also this is the main point: everybody please look at this photo okay!! http://www.facebook.com/#/photo.php?pid=111685&id=1769625367 xiu is the best lol i just had to stifle a giggle hee hee ha ha

( ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ is cool ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  )

okay yeah iceland was so lovely really i think it is one of the nicest places i've been to my whole life and it's so special! geographically culturally etc etc and their currency is so devalued that there isn't any better time to go like d00d ray bans for 80 pounds that's just crazy also the lobster soup is very very good and their bread and hot chocolate somehow can't go wrong

so far reading week... aside from trying very very hard to do my essays it's been just an insane amount of time spent running the most inane errands(today i bought hangers, tried to get xiu's buspass, collected her debit card from hsbc, refunded a pair of schuhs, visited a property agent and BOUGHT A NEW DB GREY SHORT WOOL COAT!!!!!! and a denim dress ha ha slit my wrists)

okay okay things that make me not miserable:
♥ rabbit fur
♥ uniqlo!!!!!!!!! heat tech heat tech heat tech
♥ cooking for xiu
♥ eating with xiu
♥ chocolate covered biscuits
♥ friends
♥ papa is coming tomorrow ::::::)
♥ visiting jon's hood on saturday :::)
♥ with kai!!!! and cass and SINGAPOREANS
♥ mint tea
♥ heart shapes ha ha ha ha ha ha

tomorrow is the last day of this half-term and then i'm on reading week holiday~ so it's just a tutorial in the morning run errands do laundry and then OFF TO ICELAND FOR THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!! time passes so quickly here i'm so glad i have so many things to look forward to over the next few weeks... things are a bit crazy here but probably in the best way possible. i love my friends! even those across the seas and far away in frkn philly <333

it's 6.38am in London... children are sleeping... breakfasts are cooking... the birds are chirping(wtf)... i have just finished my economics homework ish i swear to god almighty my student existence is totally the biggest joke every day it is just a neverending series of cluelessness, lateness and sleepyness and coldness and wetness and fmlness i'm going to take a 2 hour nap and haul my ass out for introduction to mathematics in economics a la la